Another view of personal gratification can be seen in the case of fifty-five-year-old Edward. Married for the third time, he was besotted with thirty-year-old Nicole, and his concern about aging motivated him to see me.
Running his hands through his steel-gray hair, Edward made his wishes known. “I’m not deluding myself. I know my personal sexual clock is ticking and it’s bound to slow down. I want insurance that I can count on. The last thing in the world I want to do is disappoint Nicole and have her look to a younger man for satisfaction.”
The fact that Edward was in my office alone disturbed me, and I told him so. In order to be a part of the trials, he had made an appointment for them both.
“Well, I don’t want Nicole to know that I need help,” Edward said. “Right now we’re in a really good place, sexually, for both of us. But once in a while I’m not as hard as I’d like.”
When I asked what Nicole’s reaction had been on those occasions, he shrugged his shoulders. “It amazes me, but she doesn’t seem to care. She had a really bad marriage when she was twenty—the guy was very abusive to her—and she says that feeling safe and loved is one of the biggest turn-ons of all, sex or no sex.”
After I explained to Edward that the oral intervention could bolster his confidence as well as his erection, I made another recommendation. Given his closeness to Nicole, and her comfort with him, I strongly suggested that he speak to her first. He did, and they came in for a second visit. I prescribed the drug, and now they are prepared to override any sexual glitches that may arise in the future. The emotional issues in this case were:
• fear of incompatibility arising out of age difference
• concern about a partner’s level of pleasure
• the desire for increased pleasure
• expectation of an even better relationship
Think about your own feelings concerning:
• how often you have sex and how satisfying it is for you
• restarting sexual activity where none has existed for a prolonged period of time
• whether your sexual expectations have diminished or risen
• keeping your sex-life status quo
The most fulfilling sexual satisfaction is based on an understanding of the other person’s needs and desires.
*67\183\8*
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